Seriously, this is wild stuff.

Make Me A Sandwich has been doing a great job of updating her blog with the latest news, and the news is interesting.

“Nothing. I took a screenshot of one of the images on that page and tweeted it as further evidence. Then I refreshed and the page was gone. And so was “Offensive Humor at its Best,” one of the pages many (but not nearly all) examples have come from.

Is this victory? I’m sorry, but I don’t think so. Not yet. I mean, the way that page disappeared without a word impressed me at first, but it ultimately felt more like they were trying to support their statement that this problem doesn’t really exist, not actually solve the very real problem we’re fighting. And just reread that statement. Here, let me interpret it for you:

“We took care of this a long time ago using our existing system that works very well, but some malcontents on Twitter have been resharing the images as though they’re still online. No fair!”

Sorry, Facebook, but no. You don’t get to claim that your system works. And you don’t get to claim that you’ve made some sort of instaprestochange and this is all fixed. Know why? Because right before this all happened I reported this image:”

(Sorry for this very racist image, but it was just up on Facebook and was the image Rosie reported. Yell at them.)

Look, if Facebook has a policy on removing content, then stick with it. Breastfeeding images which are educational and supportive of parents) aren’t sexual, but posts about “Tape it and Rape it.” well…that’s graphic and sexist and misogynist and not very nice. Why will one page or image get removed immediately upon reporting and the user blocked but not the other?

And why is taking advertisers so long to respond? Mostly, because they are trying to balance money made on FB with money lost from angry consumers on FB. If there is a change it will only be because enough people threaten to remove their money.

Part of that makes me sad, because there still stupidly is a part of me that believes that companies (made of people) should do the ethical thing, but the other part of me knows that their ethics are all about reporting to shareholders. So we have to hit them where it counts. In their wallets.

Tweet at Facebook with the hashtag #FBrape, tweet at them here @FacebookUO, contact them, and share posts you feel will push this wallet-hitting movement forward.

We are their product right? So start fighting them.

Soraya Chemaly at Huffington Post and Salon links writers and articles focused on Facebook’s policy on pages. There are many many pages of violent and sexist gender based themes that are offensive. There are groups pushing to get Facebook to take them down.

This group thinks FB needs to pay attention to consumers who don’t want gender based and violent pages and is going after advertisers. (Trigger Warning on that one)

Articles on Slate and the NYT expose the mythologies around evo psych, women, sexuality and monogamy.

Speaking of sex, Jim Rigby has a post up about Christianity and sex which is pretty…well, just go read it. And this one about absurd sex tips from the Christian Right.

New Black Woman lays out a case for rejecting feminism and highlights issues within the white feminist community that deserve attention.

This is a wonderful blog about health, veganism and DYIing it. Good recipes.

Thankfully, Kiera Wilmot will not be charged with terrorism for messing up a science experiment and instead will go to space camp!

It’s thundering where I live and Friday at 5 is almost here! I hope you enjoy your weekend and have fun while staying safe!!!

“See whiteness is a verb. It means something to be white, it has consequences, it acts on the world. Most of the time this is not made obvious. Most people who are perceived as white will go on about their day believing they are moving neutrally and benevolently through the world with their whiteness being simply an adjective, or noun, used to describe them. They are wrong. It becomes apparent they are wrong at times like these. Sergio Garcia doesn’t like Tiger Woods. He is probably upset he just lost to Woods in a high profile event. He is probably also salty that Woods is not backing down in the media. It is here that whiteness comes into play. Garcia knows Woods is black, he also knows the history of this country in regards to blacks. So, presumably looking to hurt Woods, Garcia actively invokes this history with his fried chicken comment. That is what racism looks like and the actions of a racist.

Garcia is, whether he knows it or not, appealing to the sense of superiority whites feel over blacks stemming from the centuries of dehumanization that have taken place. He wants us to conjure up stereotypical images and feelings of blackness, why else bring up the stereotype?

Here’s the kicker, how we handle this will say a lot about who we are as a people.”

Racism. It may be the hardest thing we ever grapple with. After my time with SJTI I felt as if I’d gone through the looking glass, down a rabbit hole, through the Matrix what have you but into a space where I saw race in an entirely new light. I understood that even though I’d considered myself to be a good little liberal, I had been so unconscious of the dynamics of my own whiteness. It was, and remains at times, a little overwhelming.

It’s so important though, so very important, so doing the work and learning how to soften into more and more equality, is part of the work. There’s much more to read at his site, please go take a look.

It doesn’t really matter to me if that puzzle is a creative project that needs honing, or a personal issue that needs discussion and empathy, a career investigation, or a social justice quest, I’m always thrilled to act as a midwife of sorts to help them break the problem down into chewable bits and to help them clarify their vision and move forward as they change the world.

I believe that all of us have amazing stories to offer the world and I want to help you tell yours. Each of us makes a huge difference in the world and sometimes we need a little support as we go about doing that.

That’s what coaching and consulting is to me. If you are interested in working with me, please check out my Work With Me page and send me an email.

I’d love to meet you and help you bring your passion to the world

It’s a complete disaster, and a human tragedy. Please help if you can. I’ve seen a number of threads on Twitter and elsewhere slamming on “red states” and conservatives suffering now and taking a dark pleasure in wanting to refuse federal help to OKC and Moore because same help was denied or resisted during Newtown or Joplin or others. There is a time and place to argue about who is giving aid where and so forth and so on. But honestly, is that really the thing to do now?

There are real people, liberals (yes there are liberals in red states) and conservatives alike, suffering. I’m a liberal and I want everyone in Moore to get the support they need no matter how they voted or what they believe. Why would I want otherwise? If you are dealing in Schadenfreude during a time like this? Well, we just shouldn’t be friends. But then, you are reading my blog so I suspect you’d be as horrified as I am by the tweets. I’m horrified that there are senators that don’t want federal aid. Or federal support for storm shelters.

Making jokes on Twitter isn’t really gonna change their minds or help the people who are suffering. In fact, it winds up polarizing people more. I know, it feels good to mock those who have mocked us? But cut it out.

KFOR in OKC has links of drop off locations, the Red Cross is taking donations and blood drives in various places.

There is more severe weather indicated for Texas today, so please stay safe.

“The madness of depression is, generally speaking, the antithesis of violence. It is a storm indeed, but a storm of murk. Soon evident are the slowed-down responses, near paralysis, psychic energy throttled back close to zero. Ultimately, the body is affected and feels sapped, drained.”
― William Styron, Darkness Visible

Though this post is late in the game, internet-speaking, I want to take a moment and thank Allie Brosh for her amazing post on returning to Hyperbole and a Half. She wrote a post in 2011, some 18 months ago, chronicling her descent into depression.

She returned last week with this post, Depression Part Two, which outlined in as accurate a way as I can imagine reading, what it feels like to linger in such a painful place.

“I played out all the same story lines that had been fun before, but the meaning had disappeared. Horse’s Big Space Adventure transformed into holding a plastic horse in the air, hoping it would somehow be enjoyable for me. Prehistoric Crazy-Bus Death Ride was just smashing a toy bus full of dinosaurs into the wall while feeling sort of bored and unfulfilled. I could no longer connect to my toys in a way that allowed me to participate in the experience. Depression feels almost exactly like that, except about everything.”
-Allie Brosh

Depression is real and people are really resonating with Allie’s work, which will come as no surprise to anyone who has suffered from it. You can learn more here. It’s in part a mood disorder, a chemical imbalance, a shift in how you see the world that lasts longer than a few weeks. It can be caused by external events, like losing a job or losing a spouse. It can be related to hormones or genetics. It can be one exacerbated by the other. Hell, it can even be caused by vitamin deficiencies or the wrong birth control pill.

In it’s mildest form, depression can feel like a bad cold, sufferable but you can get up and do your daily tasks. This kind often goes away on it’s own and you feel back to normal.

It can feel like bronchitis, where if you must, you could go about your business. Sometimes this one will clear up by itself, but it’s usually good to go and get some kind of intervention.

It can feel like pneumonia, where you might just rather sleep and sleep and sleep and never wake up. This one needs real help.

As Allie put it perfectly:

“At first, I’d try to explain that it’s not really negativity or sadness anymore, it’s more just this detached, meaningless fog where you can’t feel anything about anything — even the things you love, even fun things — and you’re horribly bored and lonely, but since you’ve lost your ability to connect with any of the things that would normally make you feel less bored and lonely, you’re stuck in the boring, lonely, meaningless void without anything to distract you from how boring, lonely, and meaningless it is.”

Depression is invisible. It doesn’t look like a broken arm or chicken pox or heck, even like bronchitis. You can go through your life looking awesome, having great things in your life like kids or a wonderful job or fantastic friends or amazing creative ideas and projects and still feel like hell. And during that time, you can look at your wonderful fantastic amazing little life and hear nothing but lies about it. That everyone would be better off without you. You should quit projects, or you shouldn’t go out and see friends, or it’s fine to stay in bed all day.

Depression lies, as many many people, including the wonderful Bloggess, have noted. But I have often wondered in the midst of depression (for I suffer from mild to moderate chronic depression and have from my teen years), which me is the “real” me-the happy one or the one when depressed. During a depression I imagine I’m finally seeing the truth about the world, how pointless it all is. I get kind of French existentialist only without the cigarettes. Then, when I’m in a good place I realize how much my chemistry was messed up.

It does tend to make me wonder then how any of us can determine what “real” is in terms of personality. I’m fascinated with perception.

My own depression started during my teen years and while there were some life circumstances that would have depressed anyone, it was related most strongly to my menstrual cycle. There have been lots of jokes about women being moody around their periods (and I mean come on, who wouldn’t be moody when they are bloated and cramping) but for some of us its more severe, the way estrogen and progesterone interact with serotonin…well, as I am not a scientist I’d say the official term is “jacking with it.” Or PMDD for short.

I come from a long line of men who have been artists, passionate and sensitive, and a long line of women who have suffered from depression both ongoing and severe post-partum. I myself had a very very difficult time after my second son was born, with new symptoms of anxiety and exhaustion which I would not wish on anyone. I’ve had to work hard to manage myself, and I do work hard because I know it’s important.

For me, the feelings are frustrating, not least because I KNOW that they are chemical, alterable, somehow fixable. I KNOW that when I feel the symptoms of flatness, fatigue, sadness, that I just have to live and work anyway. I KNOW when I loathe expending energy to appear competent, normal, happy (because I have a wonderful life and I know that too!) that giving into it is the worst thing I can do.

I KNOW when I feel guilt over the exhaustion, when I worry over letting people down, that I have to dig deep to pull the real love and enthusiasm I feel for people and things out of the mire that feels like pounds of wet woolen blankets covering the real me that there is a real ME underneath filled with love and passion and hope and that I have to keep tethered to that person, to MYSELF despite the desire to just…stop.

Still, I’m thankful I’ve had a connection into myself where my reactions to people were still real and authentic, even if blunted. In fact, I’d say that most people with depression are so very strong to keep those connections going, even when it feels like a falsehood. Something in them, in me at least, knows the real truth that there is hope, and thus put on a good face, a strong face, and do the work so that the outside happy face will find its way into the inside sadness, do battle, and make that shift back to something more like real balance. Some make that shift. Others do not. I’ve known too many that have lost themselves and their loss is a violent rip in the fabric of love, in the potential of connection.

I’ve been lucky to have access to therapists, to insight into proper nutrition, to good doctors to help me with hormones (and those are currently changing and it’s been difficult lately), and medicines that help balance the complex choreography of chemicals that dance about in my brain. I’m also very lucky that I am able to KNOW that depression can lie, and that I can see patterns of feeling better. I’ve been blessed to have the support of a wonderful husband, of good friends, and to have a core nature that is energetic. I’ll tell you, even with those piece of good fortune there are times when I have felt so tired.

I hate feeling that tired. I have to admit that there are times during those times when I wonder why I chose something as difficult as social justice to be part of my life. I mean come on! It’s hard enough to talk about human rights, consent and sexual equity when you feel GOOD all the time, yeah? The opposition alone can depress you! But it’s what I do, perhaps it chose me, and frankly, the work gives me the most encouragement. Writing, in particular, has been one of things that has given me joy. Theater as well and the ability to help others tell stories and reach and touch people, that’s a source of compassionate energy that helps me with that internal tether, that connection to the good and true and hopeful.

I’m so thankful that Allie is still here, that’s she’s sharing her words and pictures which are so insightful and eloquent and so important. She’s helped so many people with her words, just by being there and I hope some part of her knows that. I hope those that read her know how important THEY are as well, because they also help others just by being them. I hope Allie can sense how many people care for her and I hope she continues to feel better.

I have little else to say save for this: You are important. You are beautiful. Your thread in this fabric is connected to all the rest, to all of us and your well being and your health is important to me, to those who love you. Be gentle with yourself and don’t feel shame over having depression or anxiety or any mental disorder (if you have one). If you don’t have one, love those fully and deeply who do, listen to them with compassion, and help them stay tethered to themselves and to you, even if it feels scary. I know it might feel scary, but your loved ones need you just as you need them.

If you do need help, or know someone who does, help is out there: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255).. Reach out. Because depression lies and you deserve to know the truth. You are important.

Sorry about all the testing and untesting and strange posts. I’m doing a move to a hosted server so this wordpress site and the links and addresses therein will soon be redirected.

While I have many skills, I’m uneducated in computer hosting lingo and so forth, so I’ve felt a bit like Derek and Hansel in this scene from Zoolander (in homage of the great 2001 of course).

But I think we’ve got the bugs worked out and things will be good to go very soon.

In the meantime, if you have me bookmarked or blogrolled, please consider changing that address to http://www.juliegillis.com. Other redirects will happen soon.

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend!

I'm a sexually liberated woman, finally – at age 80 – The Globe and Mail.

I’ve got thoughts on this, especially about the hormonal elements of youth, the aggressive drive that can overtake rational thought. And I’ve got thoughts on how wisdom accrues with age (and patience) and is valued more and more but the body itself declines and is generally thought less of as it wrinkles and diminishes.

If any of you are in the mood to launch the discussion in person, I’ll be at Bedposts tonight watching some amazing performers talk about sexuality, emotions, commitment, first times, risk and loss.

8 pm, North Door, Austin, TX $10

In the meantime, look over this past post that I helped write on consent and parenting for Good Men Project.

Amazing tips and ideas from Jamie Utt, Joanna Schroeder, Alyssa Royse and I!

I was pleased that she was able to go through the surgeries without the press poking and prodding at her, because after all it’s a very private thing, deciding to have that level of surgery. I was also unsurprised (but disheartened) to see so many people immediately piling on the complaint band wagon. Everything from cynicism about her privilege (which she acknowledged) to her looks was up for grabs like a feeding frenzy for the 24/7 social media set. Which I suppose I am a part of, since here I am writing a post.

Here’s the thing. If I could afford the tests to determine what parts of me would go wrong and then I could fix them? I’d spend the money and the time and the pain to fix them. For me, for my husband, for my kids. Watching someone die, like Jolie did, and seeing that future as a real possibility, leaves a deep mark.

My mother has some form of dementia. It could be Vascular, Lewy Body Disorder or Alzheimer’s. The only way to find out would be to do an expensive autopsy after she died and then it might tell me what is possibly in store for me as I age.

I’ve watched her diminish, rage, forget, and melt away into a human puddle. It’s damaged our family, frightened the kids, and I won’t begin to tell you what it’s done to me personally. I’d do pretty much anything to avoid that, both for me and especially for my children. Hell, if the docs came back and said, “We’ve discovered that it’s all about teeth and hair, get em pulled and shave your head and you’ll never get Alzheimer’s!” I’d be bald and wearing dentures right now.

I’m glad she had the resources to find out and to take care of herself. I hope she takes this path and helps other people do the same thing. I bet a foundation would do a damn lot of good, at least for lowered cost testing.

I think that sharing her story was really brave, especially because she as a woman (considered a beautiful one) has so much to lose by publicizing it.

But really, she has so much more to gain, and in the way that counts. And that matters.